ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
