Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad