I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you