Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
