I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!