I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.