remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
third nipple confirmed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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