What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
