he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
