smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
