I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
