Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
