Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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