I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
