I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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