I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
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It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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