More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
