I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
