Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
