a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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