I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
