A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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