I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
