Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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