I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
