So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
