I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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