I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
