Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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