some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
