just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
