I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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