WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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