yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
