You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
