shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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