I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
