How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Randomize
