My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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