I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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