ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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