their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
