I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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