that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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