Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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