apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
