I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
