just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
