3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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