So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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