There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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