You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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