My room smells like vodka and shame
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
