remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
