i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
