Need sex. Gaining weight.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
