shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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