Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
