Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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