Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
