yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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