I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
