Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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