No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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