we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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