This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
