I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
