It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
