...so i touched it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
