Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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