i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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