just tell him i said nine months
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
