Your mouth is God's brothel.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
