two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
