dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
