is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
