You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
