My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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