Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
