Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
