I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
