I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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