What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
