her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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