I can tuck mytits in my pants
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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