Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's not a walk of shame if you run
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
