Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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