hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
