the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
