Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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