Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you had me at cake vodka
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Randomize
