I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hippo gnu deer
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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