Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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